Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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