I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
