when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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