Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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