yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
