Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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