The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
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