I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
