Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Holy sore nipples Batman
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
