Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
