Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Randomize
