a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Someone came in the potted fern
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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