oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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