So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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