We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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