Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
