Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Randomize
