ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
