the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
His nipple licking is glorious
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