i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
