Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
