I'll bet she douches with gravy.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
