Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
