Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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