I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
