Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Randomize
