I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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