everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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