i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
