Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
