I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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