Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
