He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Randomize
