i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I have already put on my inside pants.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
