i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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