i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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