You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
