sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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