He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I just had sex on a roof
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
