i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
