so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
