oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Randomize
