Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
