Swine flu. Run for my life!
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
