nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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