You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
