when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
