$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize