Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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