Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
