in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Randomize