Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
