did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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