I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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