Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
40s are totally the cure
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
