You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
whose parrot is this?
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
