you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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