Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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