i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
