I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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