Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Randomize
