the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize