I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
