I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
