I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
