I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Randomize
