watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
