32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I think i got beer on your cat.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
