youre lurking in front of me
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
