She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
worst night to have a conscience
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
