He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
