Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
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