Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
