Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize