My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
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