omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
