handjob tips. give me some.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
